Lately I’ve been feeling really confused, and I honestly don’t know who to talk to anymore.
Yesterday my husband and I argued again, this time because it was our wedding anniversary.
The day before, he texted me in the afternoon saying he couldn’t think of what to buy for me. I don’t even know why, but my first reaction was to stop him from spending money. I told him, “Forget it, let’s just keep it simple.”
For context, we both put part of our income into shared savings, but whatever we have left, we spend separately.
That night though, the more I thought about it, the worse I felt. Being asked what I wanted the day before our anniversary just didn’t feel thoughtful. It felt rushed. Like something he wanted to cross off a list.
I told him it hurt, that it felt like he hadn’t really put his heart into it. And he got angry. He said I was the one who told him not to bother, and now I was turning around and blaming him.
I know I said to keep it simple. I get that. But at the same time… isn’t gift-giving supposed to be about the thought behind it? Even something small would have meant more than nothing at all.
What really hurt wasn’t the gift itself. It was the feeling that our anniversary didn’t matter enough for him to think about it ahead of time.
And honestly, it’s not like I’ve never hinted. I’ve mentioned wanting a bracelet. Or perfume. Not anything expensive. Just something.
We ended up arguing anyway. Somehow, it became my fault again.
The thing is, I’m torn. Part of me worries about him spending too much. But another part of me still wants to feel surprised, chosen, thought about.
My husband is very dominant in our relationship. When we argue, he never backs down. He always has to win. Yesterday I told him I wasn’t trying to fight, I just wanted him to comfort me a little. He refused. He insisted the problem was me.
We ended the call on a really bad note.
Now I’m just sitting with this heavy feeling, wondering if I’m asking for too much… or if I’m just tired of feeling like my feelings don’t count.