Breakups or divorce can really throw you into a state of feeling completely lost. Everything you knew gets turned upside down: your daily routine, the responsibilities you carried, your family, your relationships with your in-laws, your shared friends, and even your own sense of identity. Along with all this comes a deep uncertainty about the future.
What will your life look like without your partner?
Will you find someone new to share it with?
Will you end up growing old alone?
These unknowns mean a loss of control over what’s ahead, and that can often feel scarier than staying in an unhappy relationship. The pain, the disruption, and the uncertainty all add up, making recovery from a breakup or divorce incredibly tough—and it takes time.
Even so, you have to keep reminding yourself: you can and will get through this. It’s a difficult journey, but it does lead toward starting a new life—one where hope and optimism can slowly find their way back in.
“I Feel Awful After My Divorce” – And That’s Alright.
You might be hit with sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration, and confusion—and these feelings can be intense. Anxiety about the future is also completely common. It’s important to know that this raw intensity does fade with time.
It’s also natural to feel a sense of loss—of hope, of plans, of shared dreams. That weight can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, the fear of being consumed by grief makes us want to avoid facing it altogether. But here’s the hard truth: if you run from it, you risk staying stuck in a dark place.
Remember this: grief is a necessary part of healing. The pain of mourning is actually what helps you let go of the old relationship and truly begin moving forward. And no matter how deep it feels, this grief won’t last forever.
There’s a key distinction to be aware of: understanding whether what you’re feeling is the normal emotional response to a breakup or something deeper, like depression. Post-divorce grief can be paralyzing, but over time, it should gradually lift, making room for new hope, new dreams, and a renewed sense of forward motion in life. If that light doesn’t start to flicker back on, and the heaviness remains unshakable, it may be a sign you’re dealing with depression. Recognizing this difference is a crucial step on your path to emotional recovery.
What Do You Need to Do After a Divorce?
If you have children, moving on after divorce often comes with another layer of emotional responsibility.
👉 You may also want to read: How to Help Your Child Cope With Divorce.
I’ll walk you through a few key steps—seven areas in total—that can help you navigate this time with more clarity and care.
Give Yourself Permission to Pause
Let yourself feel low for a while. It’s okay if you’re not as sharp at work, or if you can’t pour into others like you used to. You’re not a superhero — healing takes time.
Let Your Feelings Breathe
You might be angry and sad, relieved yet scared, resentful and confused all at once. That’s normal. Naming those emotions matters. They hurt, yes — but pushing them down only prolongs the pain.
Find Your Words — Even the Heavy Ones
When you’re grieving, finding a way to express your feelings is crucial. Letting someone in makes you feel less alone. Writing it down helps, too.
Create Space to Heal — It’s Okay to Step Back
Unless you share children or need to finalize practical matters, it’s wise to avoid texting or meeting up. Even if you want to show them you’re doing fine — save that chat for later, when you’ve truly moved on.
You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone
After a split, support from friends is essential. You might want to isolate, but going through this alone often makes it harder. Don’t try to tough it out by yourself.
Look Someone in the Eyes and Say It
If they’ve been through a breakup, they get it. They can remind you that hope returns, and so will meaningful connections. Seeing loved ones regularly is one of the best ways to ease the weight of this transition.
Surround Yourself with Light
Choose those who listen without judgment. What matters is being able to speak honestly about what you’re going through.
Open New Doors — Your People Are Out There
If your social circle shrank after the divorce, make an effort to meet new people. Try an online community, a local support group, a class, or volunteering.
Tend to Yourself Like a Tended Garden
Divorce is intensely stressful — emotionally and practically. Self-care isn’t optional now; it’s essential.
Treat yourself like you’re recovering from the flu. Rest well, cut back on extra stress, lighten your workload if possible. Learning to truly care for yourself is one of the most valuable lessons this season can teach you.
How To Begin
Carve out time each day for something that brings calm — a walk, music, a bath, reading, yoga, or simply breathing mindfully.
Anchor Your Days with Gentle Rhythms
Divorce throws everything off balance and leaves you feeling unsteady. Returning to a daily rhythm can anchor you.
Let the Dust Settle — Hold Off on Big Choices
Try not to make major life changes — like moving or switching jobs — in the first few months after separating. Wait until emotions settle.
Meet Your Pain — Don’t Bury It
Turning to alcohol, drugs, or comfort eating might feel like relief in the moment, but it’s a short-term escape that can harm you in the long run.
Learn from what happened.
It’s hard to reflect when you’re still hurting. Your life might feel empty now — but that doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Try to see this time as a pause, a chance to come out knowing yourself better, stronger, and wiser.
Loving yourself starts right here, right now.
Growth never begins from a place of perfection.
The clearer you are about why things fell apart, the more you can learn from the experience.
Be honest with yourself now. Don’t get stuck blaming them — or yourself. Look back gently: What drew you to your ex? What patterns did you repeat? Seeing this clearly helps you make better choices next time.
If you’re divorcing in midlife, here’s how to truly love yourself:
Say no to people who drain you. Step away from those who pull you into negativity. Stand on your own feet. Tend to your emotions and your body. Cultivate interests that light you up. Build a life that feels like your own — one that you genuinely like living.
