**Break up or try to change him? I don’t know what to choose.**
Honestly, I’m leaning more toward weighing the pros and cons—after all, we’ve spent so much time and effort trying to make things work. What I can’t stand right now is his laziness. If we break up, it feels like all that time and energy we invested in adapting to each other will have gone to waste.
But if I try to change him, I’m afraid the success rate is too low. What if I spend several more years on this, get older, and when it finally comes to marriage, he’s still the same? My future would be even harder, and the effort just wouldn’t be worth the outcome.
All he does in his free time is play games. Things that other boyfriends do to make their girlfriends happy—thoughtful gestures, sweet surprises—he never does. When I ask him to do those things, he just says he doesn’t want to, for no reason at all. It’s like he genuinely has no desire to even try. God, it drives me crazy.
Other boyfriends know how to talk, how to flirt, how to say sweet things—like their words are dipped in honey. I see it all over my social media, and honestly, I’m so envious I could die. Meanwhile, my boyfriend can’t even be bothered to think. He doesn’t know how to comfort or sweet-talk a girl. Besides saying “kiss kiss,” he doesn’t say anything else. When I ask him to come up with something romantic, he can’t. When I ask him to post something about me on his social media, he’s too lazy and says he has nothing to post, doesn’t know what to say.
When I see things other boyfriends do to make their girlfriends happy, I show him and ask if he could do something like that for me. And he just says he doesn’t want to, can’t be bothered.
The thing is, what I ask for isn’t even complicated or unreasonable—it’s all pretty normal stuff.
Then I ask him if he could do things like laundry and cooking for me in the future, and he agrees so easily. But in reality, he’s not willing at all. Once, just to test him, I asked if he could wash a pair of socks for me. He absolutely refused. I tell him to learn how to cook—he says okay—but he never actually learns. I get the feeling that since he knows I can’t really check right now whether he can cook or do laundry, he’s just making empty promises.
It’s not like I’m asking him to wait on me hand and foot. I’m genuinely afraid that he’s all talk now—saying he’ll do laundry, cook, whatever—but later he’ll do nothing, know nothing, and I’ll end up being his maid, taking care of him like his mom.
I really don’t know what to do. The bottom line is he lacks follow-through. Tell him to do something, and he won’t do it. He doesn’t want to do anything—just eat, sleep, play games all day. And he knows how to play the system: if he thinks I won’t have a chance to check, he’ll promise anything.
1 Comment
Give up the idea of changing him – you simply can’t. My boyfriend could be your boyfriend’s twin. When he was pursuing me, he said he wanted to take care of me, do my laundry and cooking, serve me tea and water, and promised to spoil me rotten. But after we got together, all the laundry, cooking, and cleaning fell on me. He wouldn’t take out the trash even when the bin was overflowing, and after watching me exhaust myself doing everything, all he’d do is hug and kiss me. It honestly makes me sick. I wonder just how thick-skinned he is that even constant nagging doesn’t get through to him.
After that, I tried to change him too. He’d agree to everything verbally but still do nothing. Dishes from lunch could sit until the next day – and I’d still end up washing them. When I called him out on it, he’d act hurt, insisting he hadn’t neglected anything and even claimed he was always the one doing the dishes. Seriously, I was speechless. He even believes chores are a woman’s duty – can you believe how he takes my efforts for granted?
I was also a cherished child raised by loving parents. I never had to lift a finger at home, so why should I have to serve you once we’re together? Who do you think you are? Now, I’ve completely given up on him. I don’t ask him to do anything anymore – I can manage on my own anyway. What’s the difference whether he’s here or not? The thought of doing everything alone after marriage is enough to make me lose it. He might love you, but he loves himself more – let’s be real, we’re all adults here. I’m preparing to break up.